Its been around 4 years now but
picture of those days is still fresh in my black and white yet colorful brainy
television. Even today I can very well feel presence of that dirty spook that
haunted my home as soon as I completed my studies. Spook was genuinely jealous
of my freedom and for this he/ she (dunno spook was male or female) started ringing
wedding bells around my house. Hold on, my house was not enough for him/her and
that he/she started to instigate even my relatives. Poor me! Tried to fight a
lot against this ‘ME’ (its not myself wala ‘me’ but something that I learnt few
days back :P) but couldn’t gain much but a lot of daatt and sympathy.
I was so scared! It was just
unimaginable for me to get married, have husband and then kids. Over this
getting married in joint family was like getting instead of giving ‘dahej’ (Jfyi,
giving and taking dowry is a punishable act. lol!!!!! Sorry D!!! J )
Finally nothing could help me
much at that time and I got married. Now when its going to be 3yrs of my
marriage I can proudly say that I am one of the luckiest person on this earth
to have a supportive, loving, caring, pampering husband with an even more
co-operative, loving and caring ‘dahej’. Absolutely no guilt of getting married
(loads n loads of touchwood!!!!!!!!)
Going back, I could recall
those initial 2.5 years of my marriage which were no more than re-living my
spinsterhood but this time with a license of doing more gunda-gardi and what
they call ‘awaragardi’. I was happy! I was getting all liberty to be just ME(this
time myself wala me). Enough space to explore myself, my interest, my personality
and the world around me.
After that, over a period of
time I started missing something in myself. I started exploring more and more
around to satisfy my hunt. But nothing helped!
Then it was just that one
moment of one afternoon when I figured it out. It was the feeling of ‘being MOTHER’
that was troubling me BIG time. Dunno when this feeling started popping up in
me and I unaware of this, was wandering like anything in the search of something
that was hard to be found in the world.
That one spark changed my
life. Wet eyes and impatient heart, feeling of missing my own bundle of JOY
were the only buddies of that moment.I could believe that being mother, being called as MOM is the only
wonderfullest feeling in the world. I realized, seeing my own bundle crawling on
the floor, dancing while trying to stand against the wall, saying mummum for
water and huppa for chapati, screaming in JOY after looking birds, trying to
use my cosmetics, irritating me, waking up in the middle of the night and asking me
to play, drawing first painting on the wall, crying on the first day of the
school, sharing first love story of childhood, giving a tight slap right on my
cheeks and then smiling and saying ‘mumma’ are just few of the moments I would die
for.
The thought that was
unbelievable for me four years back, now is the only occasion for me celebrate.
I never thought that ‘motherhood’, which used to be just a simple word for me,
even a few months back, would re-define me.
Motherhood is not a ‘word’ anymore but a ‘WORLD’ to me.
Motherhood is not a ‘word’ anymore but a ‘WORLD’ to me.
Hoping to get the entry pass
to this ‘world, my world’ soon……….
